Mommy Runs This

run, lift, cook, mom

All Aboard the Sleep Training Train

Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Nathan D.

(raises hand)

Last night, Nathan purchased himself a one-way, first class ticket on the Cry It Out Express. Next stop, Go The F*ck to Sleep Town.

He has been a good sleeper since day one. He did a 7-hour stretch with my Mom at about 5 days old. He slept through the night so early on, I can’t actually remember how old he was. We had the occasional growth spurts and cluster feeds that messed things up, but he was a good sleeper.

Was.

At one point, we went through sleep training, Cry It Out style. We had a champ sleeper. Then came teething. Then came what I guess what a regression. And before I knew it, I had a baby who would wake most nights at 10 pm, and 99% of nights somewhere between 2:30 and 4:30 am. And, oh yeah, he insisted on nursing back to sleep. I’d rationalize it… “Well, 10 means it’s been 3 hours, he just thinks he’s hungry again. Well… at 3, he MUST be actually hungry.” I knew there was a problem. He went from being HUNGRY when he got up at 6 or 6:30, to basically snacking. And he wasn’t getting better at sleeping, he was getting worse.

And then? Last night. He was up at 9:00 – 10:00, 1:00 – 2:00, 4:30 – 6:00. Each time, he’d nurse, fall asleep, and after a few moments in his crib, he’d be screaming. He was doing barrel rolls in my arms despite a clearly full tummy. He had a dry diaper. And it hit me.

My child is a tiny dictator. And I am his bitch.

I described him to my friend as Kim Jung No-Nap, evil dictator of North Nathanrea, forcing Momma to put in hard labor in the gulag.

Harsh? No. True.

He has slept 11-hour stretches. He sprinkles just enough in that I think, “Well, this night nursing isn’t a habit. He must be genuinely hungry. Because he CAN sleep, so if he isn’t, he’s hungry.”

No, Momma. This is an all-powerful baby, exerting his absolute control over you. And you have Stockholm Syndrome. You’re rationalizing this jerk’s behavior instead of realizing it’s unacceptable.

I’ve been picking my battles, hurrying in to quiet him quickly, full of guilt because my husband works. He needs his sleep. And the last time I attempted a cry it out night, my husband insisted that Nathan must be hungry. He’s so angry. Making him cry it out can’t possibly be helping anything. So of course I nursed him. Except it didn’t work. He stopped going back to sleep. In no uncertain baby terms, via screaming and waking and babbling, he stated, quite simply, “I own you.”

And I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night. I don’t. I am missing workouts because I haven’t slept and my body simply won’t do it. Won’t take extra punishment in its already defeated state.

Well, Kim Jung No-Nap, it’s over. You’ve fired a few too many test missiles, shrieking through the night. You sentenced me to one day too long of hard labor. It’s over. I’m launching my offensive. The United States of Momma isn’t taking it any more. We’re imposing sanctions. I’m cutting off your milk supply routes. They are effective from 7:30 pm – 6:00 am each night. Now cows will be allowed through until you free your hostage. It won’t be pretty. But it will hurt me more than it hurts you, I promise.

You will re-learn how to self-soothe. You do it throughout the day. You’re going to do it at night. You see, sleep is a good thing. It’s important. That crawling you’re working on? Sleep. Sleep is this magical thing that brings brain growth, physical growth, and happiness! I know you’re going to feel picked on. Poor little North Nathanrea is going to be bullied by the big, bad United State of Momma. But it’s for the best, kiddo, I promise.

And Daddy? Well, Daddy can be my Canada, or Great Britain or something. He may not really want to get involved in this little battle, but he’s going to support me. Because, alliances, and the greater good of the world, or something like that.

Race Recap: 500 Festival Mini Marathon

I love the Mini Marathon. This is the only race I find myself coming back to year after year. This is partially because it’s an opportunity to go home to Indiana for a weekend, but obviously, I have to enjoy the race if I’m going to keep paying to run it. This is a beautifully organized race with a full fun crowd. And this year was very much the same, and very much different. So here it is…

 

We intended to meet our friend Eric at 4:00 at the Expo to pick up our packets and roam a bit. Race weekend with a baby is different though… which was pretty much the theme for the weekend. We ended up a bit behind schedule to begin with when Nathan caused an extra pit stop on the way into town. Then traffic downtown was a MESS. Worse than I’d ever seen. In previous years, we were in and out quickly. This year… man, oh man. It took FOREVER just to get near the parking garage. It took even longer to get in the garage. We finally parked, unloaded the BOB stroller, rescued the front wheel after it rolled out of the Jeep into a random car (thank goodness it was just a rubber tire!)… And we met up with Eric around 4:30.

Packet pickup was beyond easy, like every year. Packets are lined up by number, and there were more than enough volunteers. I had my packet in hand within 30 seconds. We took our traditional Expo photos… and it went downhill from there.

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The Expo was extremely cramped and crowded. I don’t recall the space being so jam packed in years prior, but this year, there was no room to maneuver. Add in the BOB, and there was less room to maneuver. Not to mention, for a huge room of runners, it seemed a surprising few had ever actually seen a running stroller before. I had numerous people simply walk in front of me, and then look shocked that they’d been bumped. We got Eric signed up for the Monumental Marathon and then got out of there as fast as we could!

The night before the race was… different (see a theme??). Nathan starts his bedtime routine by 7:30 at the latest. So by 8:00, I was tiptoeing around, trying to get everything organized and laid out without waking a sleeping infant… Luckily I had packed well, and was able to get everything set up. I was also forced into a nice, early bedtime!

Race morning, Continue reading

I’m A Mom

I’m a Mom. It still feels weird to say. Even when I’m holding my son, nursing to him, tending to his every need. It feels like too loaded of a word. “Mom”.

Someday, this little man won’t be so needy. Or perhaps he will, but in very different ways. Someday, not so far in the future, he’ll be yelling that word, whispering that word, screaming it with his voice tinged with fear, yelping it with eager excitement, whining it, long and drawn out. “Mom”.

I am still coming to grips with that word. It feels strange to call myself Mom. Perhaps because he doesn’t yet. Perhaps because, five months later, I’m still in the throes of the need. Though I can feel the distance coming. He can play independently for longer and longer periods of time. He’s exploring everything he can do on his own. Five months old today, and he wants nothing more than for us to help him sit. Even better, help him stand.

Perhaps that’s why I’m starting this blog. Not for him. But for me. Because the distance is creeping up. Our lives as moms are all about preparing for the inevitable. Preparing for independence. And because I know that, I want to be sure I never lose me in all this Mom-ing. The last thing this world needs is another “Mom Blog”. I know this. You know this. So maybe you won’t read this. But that’s OK. I’m writing for me, and maybe I can help a few of you along the way.

I don’t take myself too seriously. Hopefully you won’t either. I’m going to talk here about my son, Nathan, my life as a Stay At Home Mom who previously worked since the age of 14, my forays into weight lifting, marathon training, my attempts to eat organic/Paleo/Primal, and fun clean living products I find. So, it’s a “Mom Blog”, or a “Fit Mom Blog”, or just you tagging along as I get back in shape and grapple with this new “Mom” reality.

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